


The Get Arthur Laid Agency

by PitFTW (TallyHoHoHo)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Email formatting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 05:51:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1887330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TallyHoHoHo/pseuds/PitFTW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I must say, though, that the new lawyer, Jones, has done some good. It would seem that Arthur is paying quite a bit of attention to that delectable little ass." </p><p>"Dude, are you saying that we replace that un-awesome stick with someone's awesome dick?" </p><p>"I hereby declare us The Get Arthur Laid Agency! Let's move!" </p><p>A story in e-mail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Getting Arthur Laid

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** AHEM

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 9:57 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Mr. Bonnefoy,

Would you like to give me a reason as to why there is an idiotic, loud, obnoxious, and stupidly tall blonde man standing outside my office? If he is a new hire, it is your job to direct him to his proper office, not mine. I would very much appreciate it if you would kindly stop sending people up to my office whenever you're too busy molesting some poor client in the nearest storage room closet to bother actually doing your job!

Also, I hope that you ordered those supplies that I asked you to get a month ago. I'm getting tired of our staff handing me reports that are un-stapled! It makes a terrible mess on my desk, not to mention the fact that with all of these loose papers everywhere, there is no room for me to place down my teacup in the morning.

Sincerely,

Arthur Kirkland

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war ****(Francis Bonnefoy)****

 **Subject:** RE: AHEM

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 9:59 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman ****(Arthur Kirkland)****

Ohonhonhon, Angleterre! Don't you know? That is our firm's new lawyer, Alfred Jones! He is quite delicious looking, no? His ass is so nice, it makes me just want to grab it every day of the week...

But I digress. You will get your ridiculous office supplies soon. That is, about as soon as I am done ordering some nice razors for you. After all, we cannot have you speaking to Mr. Jones with those hideous caterpillars on your face, non?

Bons baisers,

Francis

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman ****(Arthur Kirkland)****

 **Subject:** RE: RE: AHEM

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:02 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war ** ** ****(Francis Bonnefoy)********

You stupid frog,

My eyebrows are perfectly normal! You're just jealous because Uni likes my eyebrows and not yours! Besides, at least all of my eyebrow hair didn't go to my head! Who wants those bloody tresses anyways? They make you look like a woman, honestly!

Eat shit,

Arthur

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

 **Subject:** About that stick up Eyebrows' ass...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:11 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

My friends,

I am afraid to say that our poor little Arthur is even more pissy than normal. He attacked my hair today, you two! My hair! No man dared to covet my hair so much that they would fly into an angry rage over its beauty before! It truly wounded me, the way his jealousy seeped from his very core. If it were not for the fact that I feared the effect smoke would have on my beautiful skin, I would go and see if his eyebrows were on fire.

I must say, though, that the new lawyer, Jones, has done some good. It would seem that Arthur is paying quite a bit of attention to that delectable little ass. Did you see him in the employee lounge today, talking with Matthieu? The way our little Angleterre's eyes burned with jealousy as he watched nearly made my heart burst with sympathy for him.

So I propose a plan, my dear friends. It is a truly brilliant one that only one of my beauty will ever come up with. You see, the plan is very simple. Using every resource we have at our disposal, we replace the stick up Angleterre's ass with something much more satisfying!

Bons baisers,

Francis

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** RE: About that stick up Eyebrows' ass...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:13 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Dude,

Are you saying that we replace that un-awesome stick with someone's awesome dick?

The Awesome Me

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: About that stick up Eyebrows' ass...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:15 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

But of course! How else would we get the stick out of his sweet little ass?

Bons baisers,

Francis

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: About that stick up Eyebrows' ass...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:17 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Ooh! What a great idea, amigo!

How about we get Elizabeta to help us? She is an expert on match-making! After all, she helped myself and Lovi get together. She can surely get Jones and Kirkland together, easily. It would be nice if there is someone to keep Arthur busy, so that he doesn't keep challenging me to play Battleship with him!

Con carino,

Toni

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: About that stick up Eyebrows' ass...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:19 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)** ,Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

Gilbert, mon ami, that is your area. I am afraid that I have hit on Elizabeta one too many times. Roderich is always on the watch nowadays, and I would love for him to not completely screw over the company's finances again.

Bons baisers,

Francis

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** A favor

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:21 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

The awesome me needs to ask you a favor, Lizzie.

See, there's this new guy at the company and Artie's got the hots for him. He keeps on denying it and shit, though, so that's where you come in. We need to get that un-awesome stick out of the guy's ass, so mind doing your matching stuff? You won't regret it, I promise.

The Awesome Me

* * *

**From** **:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

 **Subject** **:** Hey dudes!

 **Date** **:** October 11, 2013 10:22 AM

 **To:**  Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)** , Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)** , Hetalia Inc./Management/north_europe_lion **(Berwald Oxenstierna)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/princess_waffles  **(Emma Peeters)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/marry_me_brother  **(Naytala Arlovskya)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/mochi_master  **(Eduard von Bock)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/eyebrow_curse  **( **Li Xiao Chun)**** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/piano_man **(Roderich Edelstein)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/blimey_koalas  **(Jett Irwin)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/neutral_4ever  **(Vash Zwingli)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/wheres_my_mummy  **(** **Gupta Muhammad Hassan)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/my_stomach_hurts  **( **Toris Laurinaitis)**** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/trollpal  **(** **Lukas Bondevik)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/notavamp  **(Vlad Dracul)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/become_one  **(Ivan Braginski)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/napping_cat  **(Herakles Karpusi)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/king_of_scandinavia **(Bertram Densen)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/sweet_rose  **(Xiao Mei)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pact_of_steel  **(Tino Väinämöinen)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/totally_fab  **(** **Feliks Łukasiewicz)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies **(Im Yong Soo)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/masked_marauder  **(Sadik Adnan)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/i_am_a_man  **(Peter Kirkland)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/flowering_beauty  **(Michelle Sechelle)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/hidden_genius  **(Raivis Galante)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/brother_knows_best  **(Erika Banzer)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/land_of_tulips  **(Abel Van Roy)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/captain_puffin  **(Emil Steilsson)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/robocop_rulez  **(Diem-Trang Truong)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/back_pains211  **(Katsuya Braginski)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/eat_my_cigar  **(** **Carlos Machado)** , Hetalia Inc./Administration/roma_vargas  **(Roma Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Administration/alexander_braun  **(Alexander Braun)**

Hey dudes!

I just wanted to let you all know what a big honor it is being hired to work for your company! It's totally cool! And all of you guys seem to be really nice people.

Anyways, so hi. I'm Alfred F. Jones, your new lawyer. I'm here to make sure that none of you guys are selling your bodies or anything behind your bosses' back, or else you'll all be in big trouble and I'll have to do boring paperwork to get you guys out of that mess. XP See that smiley? It's a tongue sticking out!

I like hamburgers and comic books and superheroes and shakes. I also like listening to just about any music, except classical music. That's so boring! D: The last time I listened to classical music, I fell asleep while driving. Don't worry, the guy and I both made it out alive. Not so much for my car, though. :P

So yeah, I really look forward to meeting you guys! I already met like, three of ya! Shout out to Francis and that one guy at the coffee station! And especially to my good pal, Arthur! Artie, you're the best and your eyebrows are awesome. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Also, that accent is awesome.

From,

THE HERO!

PS. Is it me, or is half the world working here? Seriously, I'm like 99.99999999999% sure that there is at least one person from every country working here. How do you guys do it? Is our boss like some kind of really creepy dude who collects us like dolls and plans to one day turn us into his own private clothes hangers!? I don't wanna be a clothes hanger, man! D:

PPS. I didn't forget anyone in my email, did I?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

 **Subject:** RE: A favor

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:24 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

OMG!

Did you see that email he sent out!? And the way he called Arthur out on it, too! Of course I will assist you in getting him together with Jones! It will provide me with excellent pictures and will make the office so much more lively!

Of course, my services don't come without a price.

You know what I want.

Liz

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey **(Matthew Williams)**

 **Subject:**?

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:26 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Production/napping_cat  **(Herakles Karpusi)**

Umm...

What's this welcome email I keep hearing everyone talk about?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: A favor

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:26 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

 **Attached:** Youbitch

There. There's the pic of me and Mattie on our last date.

We expect results soon! And don't you show it to anyone! We can't have my awesome reputation going down the drain, you know!

The Awesome Me

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: A favor

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:28 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

Don't worry, Gil. You will definitely get your results. With luck, it will be today!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

 **Subject:** Let's get moving!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:29 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boonies  **(Im Yong Soo)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/flowering_beauty  **(Michelle Sechelle)**

 **Attached:** DATASS, DOSEBERRIES

Guys,

We have another mission on our hands. We will need everything we got, because Arthur's way too tsundere. I already have absolute proof that Jones is a potential cure to Arthur's lack of getting laid. (see attached)

Feli, you're cooking today, right? Make sure you serve a boatload of bananas and sausages alongside the pasta. And scrap the macarons for dessert, serve popsicles instead. I have good evidence that the American can't resist cherry popsicles. Don't know why he'd want to fill his hot body with those (they'll get rid of his six-pack, which he no doubt has!), but we can work that to our advantage.

Im, you'll need to set the thermostat to hot, and I  _mean_  hot. Alfred looks like the type to start unbuttoning when it gets too much. Let's let Arthur drool over those delectable abs in addition to that butt. Also, make sure that nothing goes wrong in either of their offices for today. We don't want the two of them moving offices if something goes wrong. If you are a good assistant, I will send those pictures of Yao I took at the beach party. Yes, the one you missed because Yao gave you the wrong date to it.

Michelle, I will need you to act as the jealousy activator. Do everything you can to get Arthur riled up. Jones is already known to eat strawberries like there's no tomorrow. (see second attached) Why not unbutton your blouse a bit, lean over his desk, and offer him more berries? Make sure it is in full view of Kirkland. Don't worry about getting fired or anything; I have Human Resources under my thumb.

Kiku, your job is the most important. I need you to start talking to the both of them. I know for a fact that you're close friends with Arthur and have already made friends with Alfred. Make sure you drop hints! I don't think Jones needs anymore encouragement. I mean, he was eating STRAWBERRIES for pete's sake! It's Arthur that needs a little bit more of a push. Do this in the name of yaoi hotness!

I hereby declare us The Get Arthur Laid Agency! Let's move!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

 **Subject** **:** Umm...

 **Date:** October 11, 2013 10:32 AM

 **To:**  Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)**

What is this email from our new firm lawyer that everyone keeps talking about?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** My god...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:32 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

Do you think I have clearance to fire an intern for indecent behavior with our lawyer?

Regards,

Arthur

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

 **Subject:** RE: My god...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:32 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Arthur-san,

I do not believe you are cleared for firing. After all, as far as I am aware, she was merely offering Alfred-san more strawberries.

Okarada o taisetsu ni.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: My god...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:35 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

Did merely offering him strawberries truly amount to leaning over his desk, with her blouse slightly un-buttoned, giving him a look that would rival Francis' expressions!?

No, I think not!

I firmly believe that our lawyer should keep in contact with strictly those who are of his gender while on the job. It will keep him from being overly distracted by work. Besides, I heard Roma was going to implement a no dating rule anyways. I have to say that I agree with him. There is nothing worse for a company than a company full of intimate relationships that, once ended, will upset the balance of the company.

Regards,

Arthur

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: My god...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:37 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Arthur-san,

I wish to respectfully point out that if this dating rule were to be implemented, you would be unable to ask Alfred-san out for drinks.

Okarada o taisetsu ni.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: My god...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:39 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

Why in all the bloody world would I ever ask Alfred out for drinks? He's not my type at all! He is too obnoxious, idiotic, loud, crass, rude, and all around disgusting. I saw him consuming hamburgers just now, and it's not even time for lunch! No, I have zero intention of asking him out for drinks, and even if I did, he obviously does not swing this way. I have seen him flirting with the women in office.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: My god...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:40 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Arthur-san,

Do you mean to say that you saw Alfred-san speaking with Diem-Trang about Robocop and nothing more? Or do you mean to say that conversation he had with Katsuya-chan about his adventure at a gay bar when she asked if he was single?

Okarada o taisetsu ni.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: My god...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:41 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

... Get back to work, Kiku.

Regards,

Arthur

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

 **Subject:** DUDE!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:47 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Hey Artie!

I finally finished up with all that paperwork you assigned me. Man, I didn't know that being the lawyer for this place also meant I had to do some secretary shit too. XP But yeah, it's all finished because a hero always finishes his job fast!

So anyways, I was wondering... what's with everyone and teasing you? I seriously swear to god, Francis stopped by your office like a million times today, and it ain't even lunch yet! Is there something going on between you two that the hero should know about? ;)

Anyways, hope you're doing great, despite all the boring ass paperwork. I seriously can't believe there's so much paperwork in this place. I already hate it and I'm just a lawyer! I can't imagine what it's like being you! D: But yeah, if you ever get too bored, I installed all of these awesome video games on my computer. You can come over and play anytime!

And your accent is still freaking awesome,

THE HERO!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** RE: DUDE!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:49 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

Mr. Jones,

I would greatly appreciate it if you actually  _did your job_ , rather than use your emails to bother members of our staff. Our company is all about efficiency, and in order to be efficient, all members must be working diligently. I would also appreciate it if you referred to me by my proper name, not "Artie". It is a rather disrespectful nickname.

Also, there is  _nothing_  going on between myself and that idiotic frog. Last I checked, he was seeing some poor intern girl. He  _should not_  be flirting with anyone at this company, least of all me. He is merely too dense to understand that concept.

Sincerely,

Arthur Kirkland

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

 **Subject:** Hello...?

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:50 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

Gil, is there a glitch in the system or something? No one's replying to any of my emails! And apparently, our new lawyer sent out a massive email and I'm the only one that didn't get it.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Intern/i_am_a_man  **(Peter Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** You jerk!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:52 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Jerk cousin!

Dad told you to give me a job! And I wanted to be in management, dammit! I don't want to be some lowly intern! No one recognizes me as a future boss like this! I want your job. Switch with me right now, or I'm telling my mom!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** RE: You jerk!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:53 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Intern/i_am_a_man  **(Peter Kirkland)**

Peter,

Your parents told me to give you a job,  _despite_  the fact that we were completely full on internships. You must understand, brat, that you are not yet of age to take on any of the jobs we have to offer. I had to pull numerous strings just to get you a bloody internship, and all you have to do is thank me. But do you? No. Of course not.

Keep your complaints to yourself and do try to behave. It is only through my intervention that you have let to be dismissed. However, continue this behavior and there is nothing I will be able to do to prevent that from happening.

Sincerely,

Arthur Kirkland, aka YOUR BLOODY BOSS

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Intern/i_am_a_man  **(Peter Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** Promotion

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:55 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

Yao, can you give me my jerk cousin's job? I can run the company just fine! In fact, I'll be way better than him! That'll show my jerk cousin who's boss! He can't boss me around just because he's older and uglier!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

 **Subject:** Soo...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:56 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies  **(Im Yong Soo)**

Was it you that told Arthur's cousin to email me? How many times to I have to tell you to watch that boy? Now he's spamming my inbox and I can't find any emails that might actually be important! I demand him to be blocked now!

Also, kindly change your username. I have told you time and time again that I am male! There is no evidence of me being female whatsoever! Therefore, I definitely lack breasts. Stop using such a crude email name!

Finally, why is it so hot in here? No matter how many time I change the thermostat, it doesn't work. I tried contacting IT, but they don't respond. If this is your doing, I promise you that you will regret it very much!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies  **(Im Yong Soo)**

 **Subject:** RE: Soo...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:58 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

Show me your breasts, then we'll talk.

\- Yao's Boobs are MIIIIIINE!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Soo...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 10:59 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies  **(Im Yong Soo)**

I DON'T HAVE BREASTS!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies  **(Im Yong Soo)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Soo...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:01 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

YES YOU DO! YOU SHOW THEM TO IVAN ALL THE TIME!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Production/become_one  **(Ivan Braginski)**

 **Subject:** Don't worry...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:03 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

Don't worry. Mother Russia took care of the stupid idiot face.

Now, become one?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

 **Subject:** RE: Don't worry...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:05 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Production/become_one  **(Ivan Braginski)**

I thought I blocked you! How did you get past it!?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

 **Subject:** MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:11 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/flowering_beauty  **(Michelle Sechelle)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)**

Im Yong Soo was just beaten up by Braginski! I don't know why he was, but I have a bad feeling that it had something to do with Yao's non-existant breasts!

Our operation is in jeopardy! What remains of The Get Arthur Laid Agency must pool our resources ASAP! It is up to us to get that stick out of Arthur's ass, pronto!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)**

 **Subject:** Bastardo!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:12 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)**

You bastard, it's fucking hot in here. Somehow, I know this is all your damn fault. Fucking fix it before I melt, tomato bastard!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)**

 **Subject:** RE: Bastardo!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:14 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)**

Aw, Lovi! You contacted me while at work with a love e-mail! How romantic of you!

I'm afraid that I can't lower the thermostat for you. This is in the name of goodness, after all! Don't worry, though! After work today, I will treat you with lots of tomato treats and churros, just for you! You're so cute in this heat, anyways! Your cheeks are all flushed and your face looks just like a little tomato! So cute!

Te amo!

Toni

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)**

 **Subject:** No subject

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:15 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)**

Bro, you better be fucking serving something cold today! It's hot as fuck and like Hell I'm going to let that tomato bastard see me shirtless at work. And if you and that potato bastard plan to fuck in the storage room closet later, don't bother. It's too damn hot to fuck in this office anyways.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)**

 **Subject** **:** Favor!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:17 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)**

Ludwig, Ludwig!

Can you go to the market and get lots of bananas and popsicles today? Lizzie said that they'll help Arthur be less cranky! If you go get them, I promise that you will get lots and lots of wurst, your favorite!

XOXOXOXOXO

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** RE: Favor!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:18 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)**

Feli,

Your bananas and popsicles are already waiting for you in the kitchen. The bananas are on the counter, next to the tomatoes, garlic, and other fixings necessary for you to create your sauce. Your popsicles are in the freezer, just above the frozen sausages and just below the leftover Belgian waffles. Your choices of pasta to use are bow-tie, spaghetti noodles, and rigatoni.

I will meet you in the kitchen.

\- Ludwig

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Favor!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:20 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)**

No hugs and kisses for me? :(

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Favor!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:21 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)**

Feli, we are going to see each other in about ten minutes. Is that really necessary?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Favor!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:22 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)**

:((((((((

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Favor!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 11:25 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)**

Very well...

Feliciano Vargas, you are the light of my life. I am fully aware that we are childhood friends, always together through thick and thin. Though we separated before reaching high school, my joy knew no bounds when I found out that you too worked for this company. If words could express how much I have come to care for you over the past few years, they would still not be enough. I love you, Feliciano Vargas, and I hope that our future together would continue to be wonderful.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

 **Subject:** DID YOU SEE THAT!?

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 13:14 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

DID YOU SEE THAT!?

The way Jones ate that banana!?

It was just...

SO HOT!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

 **Subject:** RE: DID YOU SEE THAT!?

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 13:16 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary)**

Hai.

I hope that means our plan is succeeding. Jones was looking at Arthur-san, in addition to... looking that banana. I am quite sure that the extra attention he gave to that banana made Arthur-san very envious. The way he stormed away from the lunch table with a red face said a lot as well.

Okarada o taisetsu ni.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** Thermostat Issues

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 13:18 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

Mr. Beilschmidt,

Is it not your job to fix things when they break? Our thermostat has been haywire for a long while and has caused our office to become quite hot! As your boss, I order you to look into this problem immediately. Many of our employees have been indecently unbuttoning their shirts in an attempt to ward off the heat!

Sincerely,

Arthur Kirkland

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** RE: Thermostat Issues

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 13:20 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Chill the fuck out, Eyebrows. I'm looking into it.

The Awesome Me

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** Hey Birdie...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 13:23 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

Take off your shirt and meet me in the storage room closet, stat. I want to see you in all your awesome beauty. All of this heat in the office is making me horny as fuck. We can do some awesome cuddling later too.

The Awesome Me

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

 **Subject:** RE: Hey Birdie...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 13:25 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Techology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

Gil, shouldn't you be doing your job and doing something about the thermostat? Besides, we almost got caught the last time we did something like that. Can't you wait until we get home? It's less than four hours until we're done for the day, after all!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Hey Birdie...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 13:28 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

Birdie, please! Don't do this to me! I just want to be able to hold you, at least...

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Hey Birdie...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 13:30 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

Closet, shirt off, with beer.

You have five minutes.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** Help...

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 13:40 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

Kiku, I'm suffering.

It's so bloody hot in this office and NO ONE in IT is doing anything to fix it! Calling upon Operations fixed nothing as well, because the entire bloody department went to go see Im Yong Soo in the hospital! (What the Hell did he do to get that injured? I'm pretty sure his injuries were inflicted with a pipe of some sort, but...)

What's even worse is the indecency. Everyone, from the interns to the managers, are unbuttoning their shirts. I have seen Francis nearly bloody get naked! It is such a disgusting and lewd way to attempt to escape the heat! If Roma or Alexander saw any of us doing this, our arses would be done for sure!

And Alfred... dear God, Alfred. Did you see him at lunch, with that banana? Was it really necessary to eat it in such a way? I can barely close my eyes without imagining him with that damn banana! He was  _licking_  it, Kiku. Bloody  _licking it_. And it wasn't just an "ice-cream lick" either! It was a bloody "I'm pretending this is a bloody dick" lick, with a swirling tongue and everything!

I think God is against me today. From my desk right now, I can confirm that he has a fantastic six-pack. The things look so damn firm! He's probably worked out for hours to achieve such a feat, especially with the amount of disgusting hamburgers he consumes.

Even worse is the fact that, after talking with him for a bit at lunch, he's shown me that he's marginally intelligent as well. Why didn't anyone tell me that he was a bloody Harvard Law graduate!? Why couldn't Human Resources just hire some woman or someone not attractive from some other school!? No, Human Resources decides to torment me by sending a tall, attractive, intelligent, and even witty blonde my way.

I suppose you can grasp now that I may find him... decent. But that does not mean a thing! I can certainly handle working with him quite well. All I have to do is not think of him and bananas...

Fuck, there's a party downstairs. I feel so horrid. Kill me now, please. I know you still have that ceremonial katana hanging up on your wall.

HELP ME,

Arthur

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

 **Subject:** Success

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 13:45 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

Arthur-san has just admitted to me his feelings for Alfred-san.

It is best that we back out now and hope that Alfred-san is as bold as he seems.

Okarada o taisetsu ni.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love-not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

 **Subject:** Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:30 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)** , Hetalia Inc./Management/north_europe_lion  **(Berwald Oxenstierna)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/princess_waffles  **(Emma Peeters)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/marry_me_brother  **(Naytala Arlovskya)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/mochi_master  **(Eduard von Bock)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/eyebrow_curse  **( **Li Xiao Chun)**** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/piano_man **(Roderich Edelstein)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/blimey_koalas  **(Jett Irwin)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/neutral_4ever  **(Vash Zwingli)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/wheres_my_mummy  **(** **Gupta Muhammad Hassan)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/my_stomach_hurts  **( **Toris Laurinaitis)**** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/trollpal  **(** **Lukas Bondevik)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/notavamp  **(Vlad Dracul)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/become_one  **(Ivan Braginski)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/napping_cat  **(Herakles Karpusi)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/king_of_scandinavia **(Bertram Densen)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/sweet_rose  **(Xiao Mei)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pact_of_steel  **(Tino Väinämöinen)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/totally_fab  **(** **Feliks Łukasiewicz)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies **(Im Yong Soo)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/masked_marauder  **(Sadik Adnan)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/land_of_tulips  **(Abel Van Roy)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/captain_puffin  **(Emil Steilsson)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/robocop_rulez  **(Diem-Trang Truong)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/back_pains211  **(Katsuya Braginski)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/eat_my_cigar  **(** **Carlos Machado)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

Mes amis,

Jones has just asked Kirkland out to dinner to great success. I am now beginning a betting pool that will go on until tomorrow, where we will be able to gain as much information from jones and Kirkalnd as possible. The parameters are as follows:

1\. Who tops

2\. Where they have it

3\. Kinks involved

4\. Drunk or not

5\. Whether or not Jones is wearing underwear today

Please reply with your bets by the end of the work day (17:00 PM).

Bons baisers,

Francis

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/princess_waffles  **(Emma Peeters)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:32 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Unlimited waffles for one hour on Jones topping, in his car, no kinks, Arthur drunk, and Jones having worn underpants today.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/north_europe_lion  **(Berwald Oxenstierna)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:32 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Twenty dollars on switching, on a bed in a smelly hotel, with bondage, neither drunk, and Jones having worn underwear.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:33 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Feliciano and I bet our Pasta with Wurst special recipe on Arthur topping in an alleyway with whipped cream and chocolate, both drunk, Jones wearing underpants.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:34 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

My block against Ivan for no sex whatsoever, but both still get drunk. Jones not wearing underpants.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/marry_me_brother  **(Naytala Arlovsky)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:34 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

My engagement with my brother on Jones topping, no underwear, not drunk, in a tree, with knives.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/mochi_master  **(Eduard von Bock)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:34 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

We at IT, except for Gilbert, bet $100 on Jones topping on a table while he is drunk and Arthur is sober. No kinks, no underwear.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:35 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

20 bucks and a gallon of Birdie's maple syrup that Kirkland screws Jones while Jones is wearing a dress. They do it against the wall of an alley after Eyebrows discovers that Jones didn't wear underwear today and gets hammered.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:35 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Lovi not cursing for a day and unlimited churros for a day on Arthur topping because Jones had no underwear! And they do drunk role-playing in a bedroom! Because it's so cute!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/masked_marauder  **(Sadik Adnan)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:37 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Me taking off my mask on sober sex, with foot-related kinks in a kitchen. Alfred tops because of his having underwear!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Research/eat_my_cigar  **(Carlos Machado)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:37 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Marketing's betting my entire supply of cigars for this month and pictures of Katsuya in just a bra on drunk sex, switching, with Alfred having no underwear. Oh yeah, and we can't forget the bondage kink! All of this happens in an open field.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Finances/piano_man  **(Roderich Edelstein)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:38 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

A newly composed song about the idiocies of this company, and Vash paying for drinks on no sex whatsoever. And never finding out whether or not Jones has underwear on.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer)Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:39 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

My entire yaoi collection, and the patent of the "Get X Laid Agency" name on extremely hot, steamy sex while sober against a bathroom wall. No kinks, no underwear, no Arthur topping!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Security/robocop_rulez  **(Diem-Trang Truong)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:40 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Security's offering everything we confiscated from workers in the past month on drunk sex, in a car, no kinks, no underwear, and switching.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Production/become_one  **(Ivan Braginski)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:42 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

My entire fortune on all becoming one with me.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Production/napping_cat  **(Herakles Karpusi)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:45 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Production team is betting naptime on no underwear, no lube, no being drunk, no Alfred topping, and all of that happening at the back of a bus.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Logistics/wheres_my_mummy  **(Gupta Muhammad Hussan)**

 **Subject:** RE: Betting pool!

 **Date:**  October 11, 2013 16:47 PM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Logistics team is betting 500 on no sex because Arthur is a prude!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

 **Subject:** ;)

 **Date:**  October 12, 2013 10:35 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Heyyyyy, babe. I can't stop thinking about last night. You were freaking amazing. :3 I can't wait to pound you into the keys again later tonight. Who knew sex on a piano would be so damn awesome? And that suit fetish of yours... I'll have to remember that tonight. ;)

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject:** RE: ;)

 **Date:**  October 12, 2013 10:37 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

Get back to work, Jones, or else I'll tell everyone you were wearing women's underwear. I have no idea where in hell you got the idea that it made your bloody arse more appealing, but let me assure you now that it didn't. A hot pink thong is NOT a turn on, let me tell you!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

 **Subject** : RE: RE: ;)

 **Date:** October 12, 2013 10:39 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman **(Arthur Kirkland)**

That's not what you were saying last night, babe. ;)

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

 **Subject** : RE: RE: RE: ;)

 **Date:** October 12, 2013 10:39 AM

 **To:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

GET TO WORK, JONES!

* * *


	2. Pet Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You stupid bastard! A tomato isn't a pet!"

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Administration/roma_vargas  **(Roma Vargas)**

**Subject:** Pet Day!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:00 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)** , Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)** , Hetalia Inc./Management/north_europe_lion **(Berwald Oxenstierna)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/princess_waffles  **(Emma Peeters)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/marry_me_brother  **(Naytala Arlovskya)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/mochi_master  **(Eduard von Bock)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/eyebrow_curse  **(Li Xiao Chun)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life (Feliciano Vargas), Hetalia Inc./Finances/piano_man **(Roderich Edelstein)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/blimey_koalas  **(Jett Irwin)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/neutral_4ever  **(Vash Zwingli)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/wheres_my_mummy  **(Gupta Muhammad Hassan)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/my_stomach_hurts **(Toris Laurinaitis)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/trollpal  **(Lukas Bondevik)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/notavamp **(Vlad Dracul)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/become_one  **(Ivan Braginski)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/napping_cat  **(Herakles Karpusi)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/king_of_scandinavia **(Bertram Densen)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/sweet_rose  **(Xiao Mei)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pact_of_steel  **(Tino Väinämöinen)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/totally_fab  **(Feliks Łukasiewicz)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies **(Im Yong Soo)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/masked_marauder  **(Sadik Adnan),**  Hetalia Inc./Intern/i_am_a_man  **(Peter Kirkland)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/flowering_beauty  **(Michelle Sechelle)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/hidden_genius  **(Raivis Galante)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/brother_knows_best  **(Erika Banzer)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/land_of_tulips  **(Abel Van Roy)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/captain_puffin  **(Emil Steilsson)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/robocop_rulez  **(Diem-Trang Truong)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/back_pains211  **(Katsuya Braginski)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/eat_my_cigar  **(Carlos Machado)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey **(Matthew Williams)** , Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

Greetings, my slightly-overpaid workers!

Happy pet day! As you know, today is a day on which we celebrate our bond with our animal companions. Since I assume that none of your pets break the law, I won't have mandatory inspections. Of course, Alex doesn't agree, but he's just jealous of the fact that my little Leon is so much better than his Bertram. (Seriously, who names a dog Bertram?)

Now, as much as I love pets, let us not forget that we still have to actually work! And please, let us not repeat that one fiasco we had a short while ago where you all lost your bets on Arthur and Alfred. If you are going to do bets, include Alex and myself! Alex might be a stick in the mud, but you won't believe how mad I was when I found out that I was left out of the betting pool! And I would've won, too! It was so obvious that a piano would be the most romantic spot!

Anyways, Alex is giving me one of his looks again. Probably because he thinks I'm just typing out some fanfiction or something. I should probably do my own job before he sets Bertram (again, seriously!?) on me.

By the way, my grandson, Lovino, is cooking today! Expect lots of tomatoes and churros! Lovino, since you're getting this email anyways, please refrain from mixing tomato sauce with churro batter again. I'm still getting indigestion from the last batch.

Ciao,

Roma

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

**Subject:** Pierre!?

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:03 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Angleterre! What did you do to my poor Pierre!? He is covered in paint and it looks hideous! Hideous, I tell you!

Bons baisers jusqu'à vos sourcils stupides,

Francis

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** RE: Pierre!?

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:05 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Idiot frog,

I've done nothing to your stupid bird. He was merely bothering me, so I threw a bottle of ink at him. You're lucky that I wasn't using my good ink today, otherwise, I'll have to remove the cost of the ink from your paycheck. Next time, do keep your bloody bird locked up in a cage. It already took a bloody shit on my paperwork!

Arthur

PS. Alfred taught me a bit of French, git. How  _dare_  you mock my eyebrows as a closing to an email! I ought to dock your pay for just that!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Pierre!?

**Date:** December 21, 2013 9:06 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Mark my words, Angleterre. Your crime against beauty shall not go unpunished.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

**Subject:** AHHHHHH!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:08 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Artie, I can't find Milkshake anywhere! What do I do!? D:

Also, I'm really horny right now, so can we do e-mail sex while I keep looking for Milkshake?

THE HERO!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** RE: AHHHHHH!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:10 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

Love,

Did you try looking under your desk? You know that fat cat loves snuggling in random dark places. If that doesn't work, try searching Herakles' office. I've seen him sneaking his own bloody cats in there more than once. Perhaps Shake is searching for a mate.

Also, how many times do I have to tell you that this is a  _professional_  e-mail service? This is not simply to be used on our own time for pleasure! Honestly, the number of times you've attempted to seduce me using this service is ridiculous! Can't you grow up and act like the Harvard Law graduate you are for once?

Furthermore, I  _know_  you've been tossing the lunches I have worked so hard packing for you. What do you have against scones, Alfred? They're much better for you than those stupid hamburgers you keep shoving down your throat. And you ought to know by now that I dislike having a plump lover.

But anyways, find Shake before something bad happens and get back to work. I refuse to allow this company to get sued again just because you accidentally spilled ketchup on someone's important paperwork. Between you and Minty, I will lose my head by the end of today.

Cheers,

Arthur

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero **(Alfred Jones)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: AHHHHHH!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:14 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Attached:** Niceandfatforya

;)

THE HERO!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: AHHHHHH!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:17 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero **(Alfred Jones)**

1\. DELETE THAT THIS INSTANT! Do you not have any shame!? What if some idiot sees that in our inboxes!? How can you be so damn thick!? We could get fired over this, you know!

2\. I will see you and the… item that is pictured in the janitor's closet on the fifth floor in exactly three minutes. If you are late, I will finish myself off before leaving. If you are early, expect to be slammed against the wall immediately. If you so much as put a single hair, yes, even a hair of that stupid cowlick of yours, out of line, you  _will_  be punished and you  _will_ dislike it.

Arthur

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/north_europe_lion  **(Berwald Oxenstierna)**

**Subject:**?

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:19 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pact_of_steel  **(Tino Väinämöinen)**

Wife,

Arthur just asked me to watch his pet rabbit.

Why?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pact_of_steel **(Tino Väinämöinen)**

**Subject:** RE: ?

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:20 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/north_europe_lion  **(Berwald Oxenstierna)**

Hmm… I don't know, Ber. Maybe he wanted you to find it a mate? Then again, it's not like he and Jones are already getting it on worse than rabbits in the spring...

Anyways, hope you and Hanatamago are doing well. I should be getting my first break in an hour, so I'll come up and visit you two. The guys down here in Marketing all have their pets with them, but we only have one. :(

Also, why do I have to be the wife?

* * *

**From:**  Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)**

**Subject:** Bastardo!

**Date:** December 21, 2013 9:20 AM

**To:**  Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)**

You tomato bastard! You killed my tomato plant! That plant was my  _pet_! It wasn't supposed to be fucking eaten, especially not by tomato-eating bastards like you! You owe me another tomato pet, asshole!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)**

**Subject:** RE: Bastardo!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:23 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)**

Lo siento, Lovi!

But it's okay. I got you a replacement pet, right away. He's outside your door right now, so all you have to do is open it! I sent him up with one of the Interns, so he should get there all safe and sound. I even named him for you: Romano.

He is so cute, no? But don't worry, he's not as cute as you! And he's less maintenance than a tomato plant too. I'm sure you'll be good friends!

Te amo,

Toni

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Bastardo!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:26 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)**

You stupid bastard, a rock is not a pet!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

**Subject:** You bitch

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:26 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

Your stupid fish attacked my Gilbird! That is so unawesome, I had to invent a whole new way to describe how unawesome it was! Keep your  _not_  awesome pet away from  _my_ awesome Gilbird, or else!

The Awesome Me

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

**Subject:** RE: You bitch

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:28 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

Gil,

My fish can barely leap out of its tank. How the hell can it ever attack Gilbird? Also, Gilbird is a stupid name for that poor yellow chick you hatched. Whoever its mother is must be worried sick. I feel bad for it, honestly. It has to be raised by someone as ape-like as you.

Now, before you attempt to give me a comeback, I will have you know that I am currently in possession of a nice folder full of blackmail. I can easily circulate a picture or two I managed to catch of you around the company. No one, not even whoever you're dating, will be able to stop me. So, if you want to prevent your greatest secrets from being spilled, I suggest you don't bug me with e-mails, unless it's about a customer that's giving you grief.

Lots of love,

Lizzie

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

**Subject:** Opportunities!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:29 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

Kiku,

FIFTH FLOOR. JANITOR'S CLOSET. ACTIVATE THE CAMERA NOW.

I will meet you in your office. I'm going to have to bring Biter along, since Gil's too much of a sissy to handle him. I don't get it, either. He's the sweetest little thing, really. Gilbert just doesn't like him because he thinks Biter's face is weird, but I look past appearances. Unlike him, I am decent enough to see the beauty within.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

**Subject:** RE: Opportunities!

**Date:** December 21, 2013 9:31 AM

**To:**  Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

Elizabeta-san,

I believe you should allow your pet to swim free. There is a company pool in the basement, so why not allow your pet to swim there? It will be beneficial for the fish and the water.

Okarada o taisetsu ni.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/totally_fab **(Feliks Łukasiewicz)**

**Subject:** HOLY F***!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:45 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Logistics/my_stomach_hurts **(Toris Laurinaitis)**

TORIS!

There's totally a freaking piranha in the company pool! Who the heck stuck it in there!? It almost bit my foot off! And I just got these totally cute new high heels too!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Logistics/my_stomach_hurts **(Toris Laurinaitis)**

**Subject:** RE: HOLY F***!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:46 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/totally_fab **(Feliks Łukasiewicz)**

Did you maybe try calling animal control, Feliks?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/mochi_master **(Eduard von Bock)**

**Subject:** You...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:50 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

You ate my mochi.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

**Subject:** RE: You...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 9:55 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/mochi_master  **(Eduard von Bock)**

Eduard-san,

My greatest apologies. I did not have any idea that the mochi in question was your pet. I found it upon my desk and thought it was a gift. Do not worry, for I have brought you a new pet in its stead. You will find it in the fish tank on your desk.

Okarada o taisetsu ni.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/mochi_master  **(Eduard von Bock)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: You...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:00 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

Uhhhh… Kiku, did you seriously just give me the world's most poisonous pufferfish, whose poison can easily kill me by asphyxiation in a matter of minutes, all while I'm still conscious?

* * *

**From:**  Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: You...

**Date:** December 21, 2013 10:02 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/mochi_master  **(Eduard Von Bock)**

My apologies, Eduard-san,

That is my lunch.

Okarada o taisetsu ni.

* * *

**From:**  Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)**

**Subject:** LUDWIG!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:14 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)**

LUDWIG! I LOST POOKIE! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME LUDWIG, PLEASE!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)**

**Subject:** Bruder...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:16 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

How am I going to explain to Feliciano that his little Pookie got into your secret beer storage and became so drunk that she passed out and is currently being hidden under your desk as a result?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)**

**Subject:** RE: Bruder...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:18 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)**

It is very simple, West!

You don't.

Now stop bugging me. Birdie and I are going to have a maple beer drinking contest! The winner gets to choose the next thing we use as lube! And I'm totally going to pick beer when I win!

The Awesome Me

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

**Subject:** DUDE!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:47 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Hey Artie!

1\. That was  _the best_  sex ever. :DDDDDD

2\. I STILL CAN'T FIND MILKSHAKE ANYWHERE! I EVEN CHECKED WITH HERAKLES! He was all cranky from the fact that he lost his nap time privileges, so he started shouting at me and threatening to shove me into a metal bull, then setting the bull on fire. I didn't really get what the heck he meant by that, but I gotta say… dude knows how to make a salad.

3\. Can I come over to your office? There's this boring paperwork on my desk and I really want a break from it. :(

THE HERO!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** RE: DUDE!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:49 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

Al,

I thought I told you to not mention our… activities through email! It is most indecent!

Sincerely,

Arthur Kirkland

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

**Subject:** Umm...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:51 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Production/napping_cat  **(Herakles Karpusi)**

Herakles, can cats be gay?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Production/napping_cat  **(Herakles Karpusi)**

**Subject:** RE: Umm...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:52 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

Who is this? If this is you, Sadik, I will shove both you and that horse you brought into the building into a brazen bull and roast you both ALIVE!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Umm...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:53 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Production/napping_cat  **(Herakles Karpusi)**

Herakles, it's me, Matthew!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Production/napping_cat  **(Herakles Karpusi)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Umm...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:55 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)**

Who?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies  **(Im Yong Soo)**

**Subject:** ZE BOOBIES!

**Date:** December 21, 2013 10:57 AM

**To:**  Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

**Attached:** TITTIEZ

YAO!

I HAVE ABSOLUTE PROOF THAT YOU HAVE BOOBIES!

VIOLA!

Also, does your panda have boobies too?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

**Subject:** RE: ZE BOOBIES!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:58 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies  **(Im Yong Soo)**

Soo!

First off, how did you manage to override the filter!? I thought I set it so that only those with administration and management passwords could override it!

Second, I DO NOT HAVE BREASTS. Your "proof" is from stupid website called 4chan. Do not ask me how I know, because I do not go there. I definitely do not go there.

Third, Mr. Panda is also a male! He therefore does not have breasts.

Fourth, how many times do I have to tell you to change your email? It is very crude and bad for company reputation!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies  **(Im Yong Soo)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: ZE BOOBIES!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 10:59 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

I will have you know that the filter you put up was very easy to hack into and even easier to reprogram. Your administration and management passwords are now null. If you're going to put up a filter, at the very least have a password that doesn't include your country of origin in it.

Geez, and people call  _me_  dumb.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: ZE BOOBIES!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 11:01 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies  **(Im Yong Soo)**

Why do I get the feeling that this account got hacked just now? That is the first email you sent me not relating to my nonexistent breasts.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies  **(Im Yong Soo)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: ZE BOOBIES!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 11:03 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

Naw, it's just another step in my bid to convince you to show me your boobies!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

**Subject:** Ivan...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 11:15 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Production/become_one  **(Ivan Braginski)**

Please tell me why General Winter is in my office?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Production/become_one  **(Ivan Braginski)**

**Subject:** RE: Ivan...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 11:16 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)**

My kitty is merely hiding from my sister's doggy.

By the way, can I hide in your office too? My sister just broke through my email block against her and is now hacking away at my office door with a carving knife. We can discuss your options of becoming one with me while I am there.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/fucks_toni_in_the_washer  **(Lovino Vargas)**

**Subject:** WHAT THE FUCK?!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:00 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/poops_out_tomatoes  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)**

My fucking email username got changed! Is this your doing, bastardo!?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/poops_out_tomatoes  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)**

**Subject:** RE: WHAT THE FUCK!?

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:02 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/fucks_toni_in_the_washer  **(Lovino Vargas)**

As much as I love you, Lovi, I am afraid it is not my doing. And since when did you do that to me in the washer? I believe it was the dryer, last time.

Te amo!

Toni

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/clogged_arteries  **(Alfred Jones)**

**Subject:** D:!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:05 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/eaten_by_eyebrows  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

ARTIE! Someone totally changed my email! And I still can't find Shake anywhere! DDDDX

I DO NOT HAVE CLOGGED ARTERIES, DAMMIT! I HAVE A SIX PACK!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/eaten_by_eyebrows  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** PETER!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:07 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Intern/whiny_little_brat  **(Peter Kirkland)**

All of this confusion is your doing, is it not!? You got a bloody promotion from bathroom intern to mailroom intern! Was that not enough for you!?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Intern/whiny_little_brat  **(Peter Kirkland)**

**Subject:** RE: PETER!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:09 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/eaten_by_eyebrows  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

I didn't do this, stupid jerk cousin! I don't even know how to change my own email name! And besides, my old email name was better than yours anyways! You aren't flying and you definitely don't taste like mint! (But Alfred might disagree with me. Yeah, THAT'S RIGHT. I know what you two do in the storage closet! And unless you want everyone else to find out, you will make me boss of the WHOLE COMPANY! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!)

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/eaten_by_eyebrows  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: PETER!

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:11 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Intern/whiny_little_brat  **(Peter Kirkland)**

I will consider that your resignation from the company.

Please clear your desk and have your things ready to be thrown out or donated by the end of the work day today. Your remaining wages for this month will be sent to the address listed on your company record in 2-3 weeks. Please be assured that you may contact Hetalia Incorporated at any time to receive a referral for future employers.

Good riddance, brat. Never has a email username been more accurate.

Regards,

Arthur

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Security/banana_stupid  **(Abel Van Roy)**

**Subject:** So...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:30 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Security/too_sexy_for_robocop  **(Diem-Trang Truong)**

Did you get the report ready to be sent to Roma and Alexander?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Security/too_sexy_for_robocop  **(Diem-Trang Truong)**

**Subject:** RE: So...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:36 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Security/banana_stupid  **(Abel Van Roy)**

Yep. I copy and pasted a copy for you too. I don't get what so many older people have against it. Copy and pasting freaking saves my life!

Also, banana stupid? Really? Couldn't whoever hacked the system come up with something more fitting for you? What does it mean to be banana stupid anyways?

Anyways, here's the report I'm sending.

**Pet Day Incident (10.21.2013 13:15 PM)**

**Parties Involved:** Alfred F. Jones, Lawyer (A), Arthur I. Kirkland, Manager (E), Peter S. Kirkland, former Intern (S), Matthew Williams, Research (C), Gilbert Beilschmidt (P), Milkshake the Cat (M), Minty the Rabbit (R), Kumajiro the Polar Bear (K), Unknown Scottish Fold cat (U)

S apparently burst into E's office at 13:15 PM, shouting something about a resignation, a jerk cousin, and a mistake. E was in the process of receiving what A described to be "the best under-the-desk blow job EVER!". However, due to the shock of S' sudden bursting in, it is believed that this position was immediately compromised.

S proceeded to attempt to assault his cousin, who had yet to zip up his pants. E blocked the blows and proceeded to shout things about respecting elders and titles. A, meanwhile, proceeded to pick up S, who attempted to knee A in the crotch. S proved to be much too short for such a feat, however, and all attempts at harming A failed.

C opened the door to E's office at that moment, depositing M and U onto the floor. M and U were and possibly still are in the process of love-making. C remained unnoticed for most of the affair, but did continuously complain about the noise the two cats were making. C's partner, P came in at that moment grasping R, who was covered in mint chip ice cream. E proceeded to turn his attention from S to P and immediately tackled P. R was flung onto the desk and proceeded to lick the ice cream off its fur.

K sat in the corner and did nothing.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Security/banana_stupid  **(Abel Van Roy)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: So...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:39 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Security/too_sexy_for_robocop  **(Diem-Trang Truong)**

I'm not sure if I should call that a bad porno or the most ridiculous indie movie I've ever had the displeasure of seeing.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/crazy_bitch  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)**

**Subject:** No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:42 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Finances/prissy_noble  **(Roderich Edelstein)**

Rod, honey, have they found out who the idiot hacking the system is yet? Biter needs feeding.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Finances/prissy_noble  **(Roderich Edelstein)**

**Subject:** RE: No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 13:43 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/crazy_bitch  **(Elizabeta Hedervary)**

I am afraid not, Elizabeta. However, I would like to ask that you refrain from squealing any longer. We have already gone over the budget for this month from having to replace the windows of your office. If you would like to view those… pictures of Mr. Jones and Mr. Kirkland, Mr. Carriedo and Mr. Vargas, Mr. Vargas and Mr. Beilschmidt, or any other couplings, I would ask that you view them at home.

Though I must ask… are we the only straight couple here or what?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Research/needs_a_bath  **(Carlos Machado)**

**Subject:** Hacker Person Thing

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 14:00 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/eaten_by_eyebrows  **(Arthur Kirkland)** , Hetalia Inc./Management/i_totally_have_boobs  **(Yao Wang)** , Hetalia Inc./Management/where_are_my_vowels  **(Berwald Oxenstierna)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/the_sexiest_man_ever  **(Francis Bonnefoy)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/stick_in_the_mud  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/part_of_my_harem  **(Emma Peeters)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/keep_away_from_francis  **(Naytala Arlovskya),**  Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_millimeters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/four_eyes  **(Eduard von Bock)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/eyebrows  **(Li Xiao Chun)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/poops_out_tomatoes  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/crazy_bitch  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/future_territory  **(Feliciano Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/prissy_noble  **(Roderich Edelstein)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/everything_wants_to_kill_me  **(Jett Irwin)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/gun_crazed_maniac  **(Vash Zwingli)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/fabulous_treasures  **(Gupta Muhammad Hassan)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/suck_it_up **(Toris Laurinaitis)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/talks2nothing  **(Lukas Bondevik)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/totallyavamp  **(Vlad Dracul)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/creepy  **(Ivan Braginski)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/cranky_pants  **(Herakles Karpusi)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/axe_murderer  **(Bertram Densen)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/sweet_rose_of_france **(Xiao Mei)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/secretly_a_kitsune  **(Kiku Honda)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/wife  **(Tino Väinämöinen)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/fucks_toni_in_the_washer  **(Lovino Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/i_look_better_in_dresses  **(Feliks Łukasiewicz)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/ass_works_too  **(Im Yong Soo)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/hides_blemishes_with_mask  **(Sadik Adnan)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/mon_cheri  **(Michelle Sechelle)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/short_person_thing  **(Raivis Galante)** , Hetalia Inc./Intern/francis_knows_best  **(Erika Banzer)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/banana_stupid  **(Abel Van Roy)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/penguins_are_delicious  **(Emil Steilsson)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/too_sexy_for_robocop  **(Diem-Trang Truong)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/nice_breasts  **(Katsuya Braginski)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/who  **(Matthew Williams)** , Hetalia Inc./Legal/clogged_arteries  **(Alfred Jones)**

Don't worry, people!

The research department is looking for ways to override that weird block thing the hacker stuck on our email preferences! You will go back to having your usernames right and stuff very soon! … Well, about as soon as Katsuya stops complaining about her badongadongs long enough to actually do research. But don't worry! We are also researching ways to make those things defy gravity!

Uh… what else… nope, that's just about all I can say. Oh, and whoever that stupid hacker is out there, I totally take baths! And I smell freaking nice too! Just because you're jealous of my cigars and my cologne doesn't mean I need a bath!

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/eaten_by_eyebrows  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** Ugh...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 14:15 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/secretly_a_kitsune  **(Kiku Honda)** , Hetalia Inc./Legal/clogged_arteries  **(Alfred Jones)**

You two, I think I'm at my wit's end.

All day today, strange incidents have been happening. Many of them have been targeted towards me. First off, there is this whole mess with the email names changing. I understand Research is working on that as of right now, and I do hope that they fix it soon. I do not wish to continue being reminded of the… somewhat unusual size of my eyebrows.

Then, earlier, I attempted to organize the papers on my desk, only to see that they were shat on! And those that weren't shat on, I tried stapling, only to discover that my stapler no longer had staples. When I tried refilling, my extra staple boxes had been shat on as well! I attempted to call Human Resources to fix this mess, but it would seem that they are facing problems of their own. Not to mention, that stupid Frog seems to be missing, but it is neither here nor there. As long as he isn't causing more trouble, then I am perfectly fine with whatever he is doing. (Possibly molesting yet another customer. I don't see what they see in him, really, I don't.)

Someone had dunked poor Minty into ice cream, and Gilbert was apparently bringing him to me because it was my responsibility to make sure that Minty was cleaned and not his. Now my desk is also covered in ants and ice cream. Minty seems content, though I do think he's drunk. He smells strongly of some disgusting wine or something like that.

I just don't know what to do now. I am tired, I am stressed, and I am simply all around angry. Honestly, whose bright idea was it to suggest a Pet Day in the first place? What's-his-name's polar bear and Minty are the only ones behaving around here. The rest are simply being nuisances. Milkshake is  _still_ getting it on with that Scottish Fold, by the way, Alfred. All attempts to pull them apart from each other has resulted in more ruination of my good trousers.

I honestly can't take this anymore. It is growing more and more tempting to quit. I love the company, I love the people here, but I simply cannot take another day like this. Is this how I am to live from this day forward? I just know I am going to be terribly behind on paperwork, no thanks to whoever allowed their pet to take a shit on my work.

Lamenting my options,

Arthur

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/secretly_a_kitsune  **(Kiku Honda)**

**Subject:** No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 14:18 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/the_sexiest_man_ever  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Francis-san, I know it is you. Please stop this or I will be forced to report you. Your game has gone too far.

Okarada o taisetsu ni.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/the_sexiest_man_ever  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

**Subject:** RE: No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 14:20 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/secretly_a_kitsune  **(Kiku Honda)**

**Attached:** Ohonhonhon

Ah, Kiku, allow this poor Frenchman one last jab at the Angleterre. He destroyed the beauty of my poor Pierre, so I must pay him in kind. I promise, this will be the last time. Your payment is attached.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/secretly_a_kitsune  **(Kiku Honda)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 14:24 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/the_sexiest_man_ever  **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

Is that…? Oh goodness, is she truly here, Francis-san!? Ah, I cannot believe this! If only I had more break time, then I could go out and meet her...

Okarada o taisetsu ni.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/the_sexiest_man_ever **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Hey Birdie...

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 14:21 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/secretly_a_kitsune **(Kiku Honda)**

You have been granted an additional hour of break time, my dear little kitsune. Do not let it go to waste!

Bons baisers,

Francis

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/clogged_arteries  **(Alfred Jones)**

**Subject:** No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 14:21 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/eaten_by_eyebrows  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Don't quit. Don't give up. Don't look at yourself as anything but amazing.

I know you've had a tough day, Artie. Hell, tougher than all of us in the company combined. I know that you've had to deal with a million things that no manager guy should have to deal with and that you've done an amazing job coping with all the things you have to juggle today. Sure, most of the things happening today aren't going your way, but you've managed to push through all of that. And you know what? That shows how strong you are, Artie. It shows just how Arthur Kirkland won't take crap from anyone.

So yeah, your papers all have poop on them and your stapler's gone nuts and your desk is gross and all that, but really, what does it matter? The Arthur Kirkland I know wouldn't just take this lying down. He would grab all of these troubles by the neck and wring them out until they stop troubling him and the rest of us. The Arthur I know would jump in and save us all from those things just like any hero would. I know that I say I'm your hero all the time and all that, but wanna know something Artie? You're my hero. No, scratch that. You're my goddamn knight in shining armor.

Whoever is messing with you is stupid. Why? Because he picked a person that who sure as hell not go down without a fight. I don't know if you pissed them off or what, but it doesn't matter in the end. Because you're Arthur-fucking-Kirkland and you don't take shit from anybody. You're beautiful, you're talented, you're strong, and above all, you're just the most amazing person at this company, so amazing that you managed to steal the heart of a lawyer who had given up on love so many years ago because he could never find that special someone that just clicked with him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you, Artie. I fell in love with Arthur Ignatius "Iggy" Kirkland, who I met about two months ago and who I initially thought would be the most pretentious son of a bitch I ever met. I fell in love with the guy who yelled at me when we met face to face for the first time, who constantly makes me scones that taste like burnt bananas, and who likes to cuddle on the couch with a cup of tea with two sugar cubes, no more no less, when he gets off work in the evenings. I fell in love with Arthur Kirkland because I saw how strong he was and because I knew that maybe I needed a hero too.

So don't give up now, okay? Don't quit, don't hide, and don't you dare show any weakness. You're a freaking knight in shining armor, okay Artie? I don't care what anyone else says; you're my hero, and you'll always be my hero.

Love,

The Damsel in Distress

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love-not_war **(Francis Bonnefoy)**

**Subject:** You win

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 14:30 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai **(Kiku Honda)**

I was going to release Arthur's emails to the rest of the company, show him his relationship with Jones, but… oh, I can't, I just can't. The way they feel for each other… it's too beautiful. So, with as much grace as I can possibly muster, I hereby concede defeat. I have just restored everyone's emails and will get to work restoring Arthur's office while he and Jones are out and about. You win, Kiku Honda. I hope you enjoy your time with that Miku cosplayer.

Bons baisers,

Francis

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 16:30 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/shinatty_aru  **(Yao Wang)** , Hetalia Inc./Management/north_europe_lion  **(Berwald Oxenstierna)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/herr_stick  **(Ludwig Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/make_love_not_war  **(Francis Bonnefoy)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/princess_waffles  **(Emma Peeters)** , Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/marry_me_brother  **(Naytala Arlovskya)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/awesome_five_meters  **(Gilbert Beilschmidt)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/mochi_master  **(Eduard von Bock)** , Hetalia Inc./Information_Technology/eyebrow_curse  **(Li Xiao Chun)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/armada_king  **(Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/frying_pan_warrior  **(Elizabeta Hedervary-Edelstein)** , Hetalia Inc./Customer_Service/pasta4life  **(Feliciano Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/piano_man  **(Roderich Edelstein)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/blimey_koalas  **(Jett Irwin)** , Hetalia Inc./Finances/neutral_4ever  **(Vash Zwingli)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/wheres_my_mummy  **(Gupta Muhammad Hassan)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/my_stomach_hurts  **(Toris Laurinaitis)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/trollpal  **(Lukas Bondevik)** , Hetalia Inc./Logistics/notavamp  **(Vlad Dracul)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/become_one  **(Ivan Braginski)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/napping_cat  **(Herakles Karpusi)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/king_of_scandinavia  **(Bertram Densen)** , Hetalia Inc./Production/sweet_rose  **(Xiao Mei)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/otaku_samurai  **(Kiku Honda)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pact_of_steel  **(Tino Väinämöinen)** , Hetalia Inc./Marketing/pasta_bastard  **(Lovino Vargas)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/totally_fab  **(Feliks Łukasiewicz)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/all_hail_yaos_boobies  **(Im Yong Soo)** , Hetalia Inc./Operations/masked_marauder  **(Sadik Adnan)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/land_of_tulips  **(Abel Van Roy)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/captain_puffin  **(Emil Steilsson)** , Hetalia Inc./Security/robocop_rulez  **(Diem-Trang Truong)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/back_pains211  **(Katsuya Braginski)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/eat_my_cigar  **(Carlos Machado)** , Hetalia Inc./Research/maple_hockey  **(Matthew Williams)** , Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

Everyone,

Words cannot express how thankful I truly am for all of you. I know that all of us have had a rough day today, but I simply cannot believe the lengths you all would go through to ease each other of such days. I truly wish I can type out a longer email than this to express my gratitude, but I am honestly at loss for words right now. So instead, please take my thanks in the form of a special holiday party I will happily host at my home for Christmas Eve. It will be a potluck, so I hope you all are able to contribute at least a small portion of your national dishes for it. And there will be a gift exchange as well, if all of you are willing.

But honestly, thank you so much. We all have our rough days, but coming back from a date with Alfred to see my office restored and Minty cleaned up and everything? I could never have asked for anything more. I hope you all have a wonderful day off tomorrow and I hope to see you all at my home in a few days time. I will try my best to keep you all entertained, I promise.

Sincerely,

Arthur

PS. Whoever that was who was spreading the rumors that Milkshake is gay, I can assure you that he is not. I have examined the Scottish Fold and can clearly see that she is a lovely little lady. Honestly, check before you say such things.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

**Subject:** RE: No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 16:32 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

I'm glad you're glad, babe. :) I can't wait to spend Christmas with ya.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 16:34 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Human_Resources/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

I'm afraid you'll be sharing me on Christmas Eve, love. There is very little that escapes the eyes of those in this company, especially if Miss Hedervary-Edelstein is on the prowl.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 16:35 AM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Yeah, but wanna know something?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 16:36 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero

What?

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 16:39 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

Well, a couple of things, really.

1\. You're beautiful, you're strong, you're amazing, and the only thing I want for Christmas is to see you smile for an entire day.

2\. Can we adopt that Scottish Fold? Pleeeeeeaaaase?

3\. I never did get to finish that blow job…

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: No subject

**Date:**  December 21, 2013 16:42 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

1\. Is your purpose in life to make me blush this much?

2\. Are you serious!? Another pet!? I can barely keep up with Milkshake as it is! Minty is the perfect gentleman, but your cat… bloody hell, I don't know if I should be more worried about you or your cat.

3\. Well, at least you didn't attach any pictures of, to use Roderich's words, "vital regions" this time around. But still. I am quite tired and behind on paperwork.

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

**Subject** : ;)

**Date:** December 21, 2013 16:48 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Attached:** VitalRegions, Pweeeeeease, youwantthis, sexyforartie, cantresisteyes, mmmmm

;)

* * *

**From:** Hetalia Inc./Management/flying_mint_gentleman  **(Arthur Kirkland)**

**Subject** : RE: ;)

**Date:** December 21, 2013 16:50 PM

**To:** Hetalia Inc./Legal/cowboy_hero  **(Alfred Jones)**

I will see you at home, Jones. And bring Kettle. She will need to be given a proper bath and name before we add her to the family.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, AO3! I am PitFTW of Fanfiction.net! I hope you enjoyed this story. There will be hopefully many more to come! As for this particular story, I have two chapters as of now, but will happily write and post more, should inspiration strike me! Thank you!


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